I have been officially placed on administrative leave, effective tomorrow, pending separation.
In my last official act, I was able to pin medals on three of my folks. The last salute broke my heart in two and the tears flowed freely even as I have so much to be thankful for and so many amazing memories.
There are two moments that bookend my authentic service that will stay with me always.
The first was in 2016, the day the Secretary of Defense announced that transgender individuals could serve openly. That very day, I came out to my teammates. After sending the email, I left for the gym to burn off the nervous energy, uncertain of how life might change. When I returned, one by one, my teammates came to my desk, shook my hand, and said versions of, “It’s an honor to serve with you.”
The second came just last week at my final 1-star level sync with the Joint Staff. I provided one brief update and then shared that it was my final meeting and because it was an unplanned departure we’d have to figure out my replacement soon. The colonel next to me asked where I was going. I let him know that I didn’t meet the current standard for “Military Excellence and Readiness” and would be departing on administrative leave.
There was a moment of silence before reality settled in. Then, one-by-one, a room full of senior leaders, admirals and generals, walked over to me and the scene from 2016 repeated. They offered those same words, now tinged with the sadness of past tense: “It’s been an honor to serve with you.”
Both times, I walked away with tears in my eyes. It wasn’t from sadness, but because everyone had it backwards: it has been my honor to serve with all of them.
While my time in uniform is ending far earlier than I had hoped, rather than grieving what has been lost I am choosing to focus on all I have gained.
What I gained, most unexpectedly, was a family. A team that stood by me through life’s most difficult trials. From the loss of a child and another who fought for life after being born 12 weeks early, to a cancer diagnosis and life-threatening surgery, to the circumstances leading to my separation today, they were there. They offered encouragement, extended their hands, shared their love, and showed the kind of care that can only be forged through shared service. I will never forget the countless times they lifted me up. My hope is that I was able to offer that same support in return.
This chapter may be ending, but I leave far richer for having gone on this grand adventure.
I will miss the mission deeply, but I will miss those I have served with even more than I can put into words.
It has been the honor of a lifetime to serve this nation and defend the freedoms and opportunities we have as Americans. My wildest dreams came true wearing this uniform.
In my last official act, I was able to pin medals on three of my folks. The last salute broke my heart in two and the tears flowed freely even as I have so much to be thankful for and so many amazing memories.
There are two moments that bookend my authentic service that will stay with me always.
The first was in 2016, the day the Secretary of Defense announced that transgender individuals could serve openly. That very day, I came out to my teammates. After sending the email, I left for the gym to burn off the nervous energy, uncertain of how life might change. When I returned, one by one, my teammates came to my desk, shook my hand, and said versions of, “It’s an honor to serve with you.”
The second came just last week at my final 1-star level sync with the Joint Staff. I provided one brief update and then shared that it was my final meeting and because it was an unplanned departure we’d have to figure out my replacement soon. The colonel next to me asked where I was going. I let him know that I didn’t meet the current standard for “Military Excellence and Readiness” and would be departing on administrative leave.
There was a moment of silence before reality settled in. Then, one-by-one, a room full of senior leaders, admirals and generals, walked over to me and the scene from 2016 repeated. They offered those same words, now tinged with the sadness of past tense: “It’s been an honor to serve with you.”
Both times, I walked away with tears in my eyes. It wasn’t from sadness, but because everyone had it backwards: it has been my honor to serve with all of them.
While my time in uniform is ending far earlier than I had hoped, rather than grieving what has been lost I am choosing to focus on all I have gained.
What I gained, most unexpectedly, was a family. A team that stood by me through life’s most difficult trials. From the loss of a child and another who fought for life after being born 12 weeks early, to a cancer diagnosis and life-threatening surgery, to the circumstances leading to my separation today, they were there. They offered encouragement, extended their hands, shared their love, and showed the kind of care that can only be forged through shared service. I will never forget the countless times they lifted me up. My hope is that I was able to offer that same support in return.
This chapter may be ending, but I leave far richer for having gone on this grand adventure.
I will miss the mission deeply, but I will miss those I have served with even more than I can put into words.
It has been the honor of a lifetime to serve this nation and defend the freedoms and opportunities we have as Americans. My wildest dreams came true wearing this uniform.
(U.S. Air Force photo by Eric Dietrich)